Life in the balance
by Fields of paper
Summary: Kamui gets hurt badly and can't find his way. Will Subaru be there to pull him out of pergatory? -Disclaimer; I do not own Tsubasa at all, what so ever. Kamui, Subaru, Fuuma, and Mokonas  with some Yuuko
1. Nights

"_If you want to go with him, Fine! But you will listen to me first. I was always better than him. I've treated you better than he did! I always have! When we were little, I didn't tell any of your secrets. I always helped you up when you fell. I always gave you a hug when you needed it. I was always there… I remember seeing you for the first time in Tokyo. When you woke up… You have no idea what relief I felt when I saw you. That's when I knew I wanted to be with you. I always have. So if you really, truly want to be with that guy over there, go ahead! If you choose him, you'll never see me again. I promise you."_

I had spilled out my heart before him.

It hurt. It hurt me to see him choose that man over me. It was like someone had ripped out my soul. Tears were rolling down my face. I stopped in my tracks. Maybe I had done something wrong. Or maybe… he liked him more than me. Maybe he really did want to be with him.

I remember the lights racing toward me, like a train. It hit me. The lights hit me. I heard snapping and breaking, all around me. But where was it coming from?

Everything went black. It turned to ash. It turned to the ash that I remember… my home. I remember my house looking like this, before Mother had died in the fire.

I fell on the ground. My head hit the concrete. It didn't hurt. I couldn't feel. I couldn't hear. I couldn't see. All I could do was think.

_The tree had been cut down, and was burned in the fire afterward._

"_I wish there was something we could do, Kamui."_

Then it came back. My life had been poured back into my body, along with my senses. I felt the fire. I felt the fire tear through my body. I wanted to scream, I wanted to thrash around, until the pain went away. I wanted to rip out my heart and throw it into space. But I couldn't. Needles pierced my senses. I wanted to die. I can't remember anymore… why am I here…? Why did this happen to me…? I remember…

Pain.

I remember the pain. It was swimming through my body. I remember my limbs being ripped apart by the moving lights. And… I remember a voice…

_I'm glad I have you by my side._

Subaru… I remember you too. This… this is how I feel…

I remember seeing you after you had awoken… I wanted to grab you, I wanted to hold you, I wanted to cry into you… But I remember that it wasn't the right time. So I held back.

I wish I hadn't.

All I've ever known was you. You were my world. You were my life… You were mine in life. And even in death, you are still mine.

"_I'll wait for you, and don't worry. I'll see you again."_

Subaru, you lied to me. You said that we would never truly be parted, even in our dying moments… but I can't see you. I can't see you anymore… If you really did love me… then where are you…? I can't remember what you look like… I can't see your face… I can't see you… Please come back… I want to be with you… I want to hold you…

No… I want you to hold me… But I can't remember your touch.

I remember my last thoughts…

_I hope he's happy…_

No bitterness. Just kindness.

I'm slipping… Subaru, you're supposed to be here, with me, keeping me, keeping my life in your hands… I guess you must have dropped it.

I love you, Subaru. I love you, and I want you to know that.

Please let this be a dream… I want you to be there when I wake up; I want you to be there, holding my hand when I wake up… Please be there when I open my eyes. That is my wish… I want him to be here… loving me, holding onto me, I want him to mourn over me instead of that man… I want him to worry about me instead. That is my wish. That is all my heart truly wants. That is my wish… My true wish…


	2. Waiting

I was waiting. Waiting for him to wake up. I couldn't sense his life force, but here he was, alive and breathing; although not awake. I wish I had chosen him sooner. It's all that mans fault. If I had never gone to see him in the first place, Kamui would be here, with me. Alive, and happy. But I guess all these hard ships brought us closer together. That's one upside to it.

I held his hand tightly as his mangled corpse slept before me. Yuuko walked into the fogged room and sat next to me. I looked at with teary eyes and a dampened face, unsure of the future.

"It's all my fault… If I hadn't gone with that man, he would have never gotten hit by that car. I don't know if he can ever forgive me… I know I wouldn't." I said, warm tears still streaming down my cheeks. She sighed and put a hand on my shoulder.

"You did very well Subaru. You have nothing to be sorry for." She said. I let out a small whimper and kissed Kamui's hand. I thought for a long hard moment while I stared at his beautiful, breathing carcass. His soul was lost. This was only a hollow shell. He was lost, and it was all my fault. I would probably never see his amethyst eyes again. Maybe it was better that way. Maybe I needed to grow apart from him. But the problem is, where am I supposed to go?

His porcelain features would never move again. This shell was just an imitation. And I know that I will probably be punished for this. But no matter how great discipline, nothing could ever atone for my sins. When I die, I am going to go to hell. I just know it. I deserve it though.

"Yuuko-san… I… I have a wish." I managed to choke out. She nodded.

"There is a price..."

"I know… I… I want Kamui to live. I want him to be alive… Not just his body, but his soul too… Please… let him be alright…" I cried, squeezing his hand harder.

"The price would be too heavy. If you were to ever ask me, the payment would be all the happiness he ever felt with you. That means he would probably shun you if he awoke." She said. I sighed and kissed his hand once more. Yuuko stood up and smiled. "It seems we have a customer…" she said. Te tall woman walked out of the room. I listened. There was familiar voice… I couldn't make it out… but it was so memorable… where have I heard it before?

The foot steps came closer. The voice became louder. The door opened. I gasped. Fuuma stood there, smiling down at me.

"Fuuma-san… What are you doing here?" I asked as I wiped the tears from my face. Fuuma chuckled a bit and sat next to me.

"Ah… I came to deliver something. You might just find it useful." He said. The man handed me a small amulet with a bat on it, along with a sliver moon. "I don't know if you would find any use to it, but it might help." He said, with a sincere smile. "Also… I came to help you with Kamui."

"Why would you help me?"

"Well, Kamui and I are closer than you think," he said, winking to me. I sighed. "And besides, it would be the right thing to do. He might just stop hating me." I nodded. "Now, let's see… Yuuko-san, what if I were to help Subaru pay the price?" he asked, smirking toward me. I didn't know if I should take that as a compliment.

"It would help, yes, but it would still be a lot to carry."

"What would be the price if we split it?"

"Fuuma, your price would be your amulet. Subaru… your price would be… half of Kamui's soul." She said.

"What? Half of his soul? How? What will happen to him I do give it to you?" I asked, staring down at Kamui.

"Well, for awhile, he will not remember you. He may gain back some memories, but not much." She said. "I understand if you don't want to." She said. I shook my head. "But… there is a way to get back his soul. Bt you may die in the process." She said. I looked up at her. "I… I'll do it." I said. She nodded and walked away. "Very well. I shall make preparations for your journey. If you would like, Fuuma, you may join Subaru." She said, winking to him. Fuuma smiled and nodded.

"I'll see you soon, Kamui-sama. Hang in there." I said.


End file.
